Lost Our Own
by Ro 'FlyinBootay
Summary: Elliot and Olivia are in an established relationship. What happens when Elliot dies in the shooting at the hands of Jenna? What happens after Olivia gives birth to their kid a few months later? How is the rest of the team coping? Dont own LOSVU My updates will be sporacdic but please reveiw!
1. Olivia

Olivia POV  
If I thought that my life was messed up before I didn't know what really could have made it messed up then. Now I know that I wasn't messed up at all... just complicated. I remember the day we told each other that one word "Love" it holds so much power for one person, but its four letters, one syllable and easy to say when you don't mean it. I remember the day we found out that I was having a baby. I remember being at the doctors getting my first ultrasound. Then the third when we found out that it was twins. The day he proposed to me was even better I was throwing up for the tenth time that day and it was only three in the afternoon. They call it morning sickness I called it hell. He got down on one knee when I walked out of the bathroom infront of the whole squad and proposed. It was the best thing for him to ever do. The next memory that I remember is the day he died. I was six months pregnant and stuck riding a desk. We were filling out paper work on the man that killed Jenna's mother and she came in swinging a gun around. She started to shoot at everyone in the squadroom. She hit Sister Peg and I tried to save her she died in my arms. Then she aimed at me Elliott was behind me and she was infront. He walked around to stand infront of me and reason with Jenna. She shot and hit him in the chest; he got off one round hitting her shoulder. I crawled over to him and tried to put pressure on his wound telling him to stay with me. I begged and started to cry.  
*Flashback*  
His blood was seeping through my fingers and I tried to keep the blood in. I could barely see through my tears, he was starting to fade out. "El!" I yelled at him "No you stay with me!" I was begging him to not die. "El you can't" I whispered putting more pressure on the wound. I vagely heard someone say that EMS was on its way. "You will be fine. You will live. A bus is on its way. Please El" I whispered and then noticed where the bullet hit. "El..." I whispered. Just as the EMTs rushed into the squadroom I felt his heart beat one last time. "El!" I remember screaming. Then someone trying to pull me away. "No Elliott!" I wanted to stay with him, but I couldn't see through my tears.  
I heard one of the EMTs call out the time "3:56pm."  
"El..." I whispered, then all is black. I don't remember being brought into Cragens office. I don't remember when someone got me a change of clothes. I don't know what happened.  
*End Flashback*  
It was a few hours later that I start to remember things, but its still as if I am watching it all through a tunnel.  
*Flashback*  
"Olivia?" I heard someone call my name and sat up. I had been curled up on my side crying for the last few hours. "Livia?" I realized that I was George Huange that was talking to me. I looked at him and saw him take a deep breath. I figure I looked like hell, then I started to cry again only this time it was loud sobs that held all the pain I was feeling.  
*End Flashback*


	2. George

George POV  
I had heard what was happening at the precinct almost the second that it happened and waited with bated breath wondering what was going to happen. Then I got the call that Elliot had been shot and that Olivia was distraught and not responding. I made my way down to the precinct and when I walked in I saw that the squadroom was still a crime scene. I looked for Olivia and saw Don waving me into his office. "Hey" I said walking in and then I saw Olivia she was laying on her side silent tears running down her face, but her eyes were unfocused. As if she wasn't even there mentally, just her body was there. "Let me talk to her" I told Don and watched him walk out of the squadroom toward the cribs where I was assuming the rest of the squad was.  
I turned back to Olivia wondering how I should do this. I decided to just get her attention first. "Liv?" I started with something simple her name. "Olivia?"  
"Benson?" she was starting to stir.  
"Olivia?" I called again and she sat up.  
"Livia?" I said in a questioning voice and she looked at me. I sucked in a deep breath, her eyes which are normally so full of life were empty, almost as if she was giving up. I watched as she crumbled until she broke out in loud sobs that couldn't be quieted not matter what I did. I decided to just hold her until she calmed.  
Then I started to remember what I had been through with all of the squad. The nights spent at the bar, the day Elliot proposed, the time when Olivia was in Sealveiw undercover and Elliot almost punched me in the face. The last one I could recall was the day before when Olivia asked me to help her find a wedding dress for after the twins were born. I thought sadly about how that was never going to happen, her wedding that was so carefully being prepared for was going to be thrown away as if it never was going to happen. I was horrified and knew that she was never going to be the same ever again.


	3. Olivia 2

Olivia POV  
I remember spending the night and the next few nights after that day at Cragens because I couldn't go home to our place. I was thinking about selling it and buying a new place for me and the girls. I didn't want to make that decision yet though I couldn't we had had way to many good times there. The day we told the kids that I was going to have twins being one.  
*Flashback*  
I was sitting on the couch reading and listening to Lizzie and Dickie fighting over who got to sit next to me, Maureen was telling El about college while he held Eli and we were waiting for Kathleen to show up to tell them. All of a sudden El handed me Eli and told me to watch him for a second. I took him and watched as he cleared the coffee table out of the middle of the livingroom and moved the reclinder a little bit out of the way and pushing the couch with me on it a good two feet too. Then he went to the hall closet. "El what are you doing?" I yelled down the hall at him laughing.  
"You'll see" he had yelled back. I watched him pull out an old game of sorry that I had forgotten I had and then a game of scrabble as well. We then set up the game of Sorry to play for a bit and decided that when Kathleen showed up we would play scrabble and eat pizza.  
*End Flashback*  
The kids took the pregancy great, but we had to still tell Kathy. That one took me by surprise.  
*Flashback*  
"El I don't want to be there when you do this" I kept telling Elliot as he dragged me up to the house that Kathy lived in with the kids. It was only 10 O'Clock in the morning, the kids were at school, and I was starting to show a bit; I had spent half the morning in the bathroom with morning sickness.  
"She won't care she just needs to know" he said and then knocked on the door.  
It took a minute before the door was opened and when it was Kathy looked a little surprised. "I didn't think you guys would be here until a little later" she said miffed.  
"Sorry we have somethings to take care of later" Elliot said.  
"Well then come in" she said and led us into the livingroom. "So what did you need to talk to me about?"  
"Well it doesn't really concern you too much. It's just that we don't want you to freak out if the kids tell you first." Elliot started, but I wasn't following I was more concerned with keeping the little amout of food I had eatten down.  
"Well what is it?"  
"Olivia's..." Elliot had started, but didn't get the chance to finish because I was taking off to the kitchen which was closer than the bathroom. I leaned over the sink and heaved up what ever was in my stomach.  
"Well congratulations!" Kathy said after Elliot had given me a cup of water and helped me sit down.  
"Huh?"  
"Your pregnant"  
"How do you know?" I questioned her.  
"I had morning sickness just as bad as you" she said chuckling. "Seems its Elliotts fault here and not mine anymore" she beamed.  
"Oh... How did you get rid of it?" I questioned.  
"One second" she said and started to root through her cabinets. She pulled out a sleeve of Saltine crackers. "Here eat these and it should help a little" she handed them to me. "And I want to be around the kid got it. If my kids are related to it I want to be able to watch it."  
*End Flashback*  
It was great to know that she would be around for me when I needed it and nowadays she was great. I don't think I would have made it through it otherwise.


	4. Kathy

Kathy POV  
I remember the call I got from Don the day Elliot died. He said he was sorry for our loss, but that someone really needed help. Olivia was falling apart he said. She had been crying on and off for hours and that was after she went almost catatonic on them. He was hoping that maybe if seeing the kids and I could go by his house and maybe talk to her. Mourn our loss in a way.  
I was good with doing that and felt that the kids would need it in a way. I remember seeing Olivia that day and thinking she should never have to go through something like this.  
*Flashback*  
I walked in behind the kids giving them a second to see Olivia and maybe calm her a bit. I talked to Don trying to get some information. "How?" was all I had to ask.  
"Girl came in for revenge. Killed Sister Peg then aimed at Olivia. He died saving her and the twins lives. Got one round off at Jenna and killed her as well, but Olivia felt not only Peg die, but felt Elliotts last heart beat."  
"She holding up at all?"  
"Not really George gave her a mild antidepressant and a mild sedative, but its worn off and she has kind of shut off a bit. I think she is just afraid of losing anyone else"  
"She won't and I will help her along through this." I told him then I glanced into the room. The kids were crowded on the bed with her crying and she was trying to hug all of them. It wasn't going to well, so I decided to step in and get the kids to stand back just a little bit. Give her some space because she also looked like she was about to run off. "Kids?" I said quietly. "Why don't you go sit out in Grampa Dons living room. Maybe he will make you guys some hot cocoa" I said and glanced at Don seeing him nod. The kids followed him out and I sat next to Olivia. "Hey" I said quietly. "You and the twins alright?"  
"He's gone" she said so quietly I almost thought I imagined it.  
"I know Liv"  
"The twins will never get to know him. I won't get to be his wife. I won't get to wake up to him anymore." she started to cry by then and I held her to me.  
"I know sweetie" I cooed.  
*End Flashback*  
We got through the funeral just fine and then after that I still helped her. Then the courts stepped in, they ordered full custody to me and said that since she hadn't married him that the kids and her were to have no contact and no matter how hard I tried they wouldn't budge. They said that if I broke the order I would lose the kids.  
The last day she saw the kids was completely heartbreaking.  
*Flashback*  
"Ok guys its time to go" I whispered knowing that they wouldn't see each other for quite awhile.  
"No" Kathleen said hugging Olivia closer. I watched Olivia try to pull away from her, but give up. I was worried about what would happen now that she lost even more of her "family." She had lost Elliot she didn't need to lose us too.  
"Kathleen I can't do anything about this you need to get your stuff its time to go" I told her.  
"I am eighteen I can take care of myself!" she screamed. I caught Olivia jump a bit. George had her on a sedative that made her zone out, so when a loud noise or quick movement caught her attention she would jump due to the shock. I should tell him that maybe he could start her getting back to normal.  
"Fine. Lizzie, Dickie, Eli. Come on" I huffed knowing I couldn't move my oldest either.  
"We don't want to"  
"I don't have a choice in this and neither do you" I said and they got up and started to say their good-byes. I sent them out to the car when they were done and convinced Maureen and Kathleen to come with me telling them that they could do what they wanted after today, after I got the rest of the kids into a routine without the weekend visits. They agreed, once they left I turned to Olivia who had started to cry again. "I'm sorry" I whispered. When she didn't reply I got closer to her. "I am here day and night. Got it?" I said taking her shoulders and looking into her eyes. "I will call and let you know about the kids and let them talk to you. Maur and Kathleen will visit with pictures and everything that they want you to have. I wiil have my cell and I will visit when the kids are at school. I won't leave you and you won't leave me!" I finished and she moved to hug me, but stopped.  
"Thank you" I heard her say just as she wrapped me into the biggest hug she could give me around her seven and a half month pregnant belly.  
"No problem I have known you for twelve years your family" I said and grabbed my stuff fast so she didn't see me cry.  
*End Flashback*


	5. George 2

George POV  
After Kathy left with the kids a week went by and Olivia seemed to being doing alright. A bit depressed, but that was to be expected after losing her fiance. I didn't expect to go by her house and find her the way I did though.  
*Flashback*  
I walked up to her door and knocked. I waited for an answer until I heard a low moan come through the door then "Help" called out. She had just hit the thirty week mark in her pregnancy and her doctor was worried about her going into labor early with all the stress she was under.  
"Liv?" I heard her call out again. "I'm coming in!" I called out openning the door. I walked in and found her sitting on the floor in the middle of the livingroom stuck. "You alright?"  
"No" she said curling into herself.  
"Whats wrong?"  
"I think that they are coming soon"  
"Are you having contractions?"  
"Yeah"  
"How long?"  
"Woke up this morning thought it was Braxtonhicks contractions, but they started coming about every six hours. They kept getting closer now they are about every thirty minutes."  
"Ok I think that you are going to have these kids" I said taking a deep breath. "Can you walk?"  
"Yeah just help me up" she huffed and I pulled her up watching her lean on the couch while I grabbed her coat and shoes.  
"Sit on the edge of the couch" I said holding up her shoes. Once she did I helped slide her boots on and then grabbed her jacket. Once she was all set I helped her out and into the car and we were off to Saint Micheals.  
*End Flashback*  
She wasn't going to have those kids for another two weeks they said she was only under to much stress and to relax a little more. They sent her home with strict instructions to stay in bed as much as possible. I stayed with her and at the 33 week mark she was ready to go. It was three in the morning when she started to yell through the house.  
*Flashback*  
"George!" I heard her yell. I got up from the air bed I had set up in her livingroom.  
"Coming Liv!" I yelled walking the few feet to her room. When I walked in I saw her trying to curl into a ball.  
"The contractions are back" she huffed holding her belly.  
"Alright lets get you to the hospital" I said and once we were all set we took off.  
We walked into the ER her doctor was on rounds and saw her. "What are you doing here Ms. Benson?" she questioned.  
"The twins aren't waiting" she groaned.  
"Oh well lets get you into a room" she said quickly. They set her up and checked her; she was only three centimeters. "Your in for a long morning Ms. Benson they may not want to wait, but they sure want to take their time" she said. "I will be back in about an hour" she said and left the room.  
She refused any form of pain killer for the labor and delivery, but was in excruciating pain at about 8 centimeters and her water wasn't broken it had been nearly 14 hours of labor already. "Liv you alright?" I questioned walking back into the room with Fin like she asked.  
"No they need to hurry the fuck up!" she yelled at me.  
"Alright have fun Fin" I said running off.  
*End Flashback*


	6. Fin

Fin POV  
I remember the labor Olivia went through quite well in fact, but that may be because I had first hand experience in the matter.  
*FLASHBACK*  
George had come to get me and told me she was asking for me. I followed him back to the room and when we walked in I found Liv sweating and looking like she wanted to murder someone. Then George made the mistake of asking if she was alright. She yelled at him and he ran off like a scared puppy. I manned up and walked over to where she was laying and wiped her face with the cloth that was sitting on the table next to the bed. "Hey you figure out the twins names yet?" I asked trying to get her attention off the pain.  
"No I don't even know what they are!" she yelled grabbing my hand and squeezing it to the point where I almost cried because of the pain.  
"Alright Alright take a deep breath" I whispered rubbing her belly a little bit to sooth her contractions. "There you go" I said calmly as she started to breathe a bit more calmly. I continued to rub at her stomach and let her just calm a bit more until she fell into a light sleep. I sat next to the bed and kept rubbing and started to talk to the twins calmly. "Hey there little ones. I'm your Uncle Fin and when you get here I will be helping your Mommy so much. She loves you, you know that? Yeah. I think that when she wakes up next time you should be ready to meet everyone. There is Uncle Munch, Aunt Casey, Auntie Alex, Grampa Don, Uncle George, and Me, Uncle Fin. Then you have three sisters and two brothers who will care for you so much. There is Maureen who is in college. Kathleen who is also in college. Elizabeth or Lizzie as we all call her who has a twin Richard, but we call him Dickie and they are juniors in high school. Then there is little Elliott Stabler Junior. He is six years old now. Now there's your daddy. He can't be here, but he loves you so much. Always would talk about meeting you and what he would play with you and where he would take you. He loves you guys even though he ended up dying. He died to protect you, you know." I was saying and felt a light kick to my hand. "Yeah he died protecting you and your Mommy. You see we were investigating the death of one of our victims and we found the guy, but the women's daughter came in to the squad room waving a gun around. She shot a bunch of people your Mom tried to save a woman's life then... Then the girl leveled her gun on you guys. Your Daddy got in the middle and took the bullet, but not before killing the girl as well. Your Mom was so sad and everything over it. I think she always will be, but you guys will help her out. I know you will." I whispered.  
"Fin" I looked up to see Liv with tears in her eyes then she cried out in pain.  
"Liv?"  
"Get my doctor and tell her I think that they are ready" She said trying to sit up, but couldn't without crying out in pain. I ran out to get the doctor who looked like she was coming down the hall to check on her anyway and told her what was happening.  
"Hey there Olivia what am I hearing about you being ready?" The doctor asked, but Liv just glared at her. "Ok Ok let me just take a look" she said.  
*END FLASHBACK*  
She was ready to have the twins at the point, but there were some complications with one of the twins.  
*FLASHBACK*  
She had just finished giving birth to one twin and it was a girl. Then she started to give birth to the second. When she came out she wasn't breathing. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and when they untangled it she was still blue. Olivia was trying to figure out what was wrong, but nobody would tell her. They tried everything they could, but nothing was working. The doctor walked over to Olivia who was sitting up at that point and told her that the second baby didn't make it. "What?" she had asked looking heart-broken.  
"The baby she had the cord wrapped around her neck we tried everything, but we couldn't get her breathing"  
"No" she whispered.  
"I'm sorry" the doctor said. I caught Olivia shutting down and knew that whatever progress she had made was gone.  
"Liv you need to be strong you have another little girl to take care of"  
"I want to go home" I heard her whisper.  
"You need to stay the night and when little..."  
"Tatileh Eliza Benson-Stabler" I heard her whisper.  
"When Talia is ready you can go, but for now you need to rest" I said and rubbed her arm as we waited for the doctor to move her to the maternity ward. Once there she fell asleep.  
*END FLASHBACK*


	7. George 3

George POV  
None of knew what had been going on since she gave birth, none of us knew what had happened. Until Fin came out with only one bundle.  
*FLASHBACK*  
"Hey Fin!" Munch crowed. That caught all of our attentions.  
"Hey" he didn't sound happy.  
"Wheres the other Benson-Stabler?"  
"She didn't make it through the birth" he sighed.  
"What?" Don asked.  
"The baby was a still born it had the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck. They tried to save her, but there was nothing that they could do"  
"Hows Liv?"  
"We're losing her again" he sighed and then said, "This is Tatileh Eliza Benson-Stabler. Talia for short unless Liv changes it"  
"She's beautiful."  
"Doc thinks she's going to have the Stabler blue for her eyes"  
"Really?" Don asked.  
"Yeah. Hey George you want to go talk to her. Bring the baby back with you. She hasn't really wanted to hold her"  
"Of course" I said carefully picking her up. I turned to walk toward the room and thought about how she was going to handle everything.  
*END FLASHBACK*  
The next few days were hell to say, she didn't really want to work with the hospital she wanted to go home.  
*FLASHBACK*  
"I want to go home!" she yelled at the doctor for the fourth time in twenty minutes.  
"I can't let you go home. You aren't bonding with your daughter. You haven't talked to our shrink and you haven't slept correctly in days" the doctor had replied.  
"If I wanted to talk I would talk to George a psych from the FBI. I have a new born sleep doesn't matter! I have gone days with only sleeping a few hours since I was 18! I have been bonding with Tali! I just want to go home where she can be since you said it yourself she is healthy! So let me go home!"  
"I can't let you go home yet!"  
"May I say something?" I stepped in shh-ing Olivia.  
"Sure"  
"She lost her fiance when she was six months pregnant if you don't remember. She is still mourning over his death. The courts told her that his children couldn't have visitation with her. She lost most of her family that day. She just lost one of her children. She is trying to get her life back together and by you telling her she can't go home you aren't helping her. She is bonding with her daughter you just come in when she isn't holding her. If you want I will stay with her while she gets back into the swing of things."  
"Alright fine, but . I am only releasing you to have him stay with you."  
"Fine I just want to go home." she muttered.  
*END FLASHBACK*


	8. Cragen

Cragen POV  
I was trying to get everyone back into the swing of things at work, but with Elliott gone and Olivia still on Maternity I didn't really know how to do this. Olivia was saying that she didn't want to come back to the squad; she wanted a transfer. To where I didn't know. I also had the problem of telling the team that we were getting two new detectives this week. After three months with Elliott gone we were starting to sink with only one set of detectives. They would be in a little later so I called Fin and Munch into my office. "What's up Cap?" Fin asked.  
"We are getting two new detectives."  
"Who?" he demanded.  
"Nick Amaro from Narcotics and Amanda Rollins from Georgia PD"  
"Does Liv know yet?"  
"No I was going to wait until she walked in sick of Maternity"  
"She is going to throw a fit Cap. She isn't ready for this" Fin sank into on of the chairs infront of my desk.  
"I know, but I am being ordered and we are sinking here"  
"Alright" he sighed.


	9. Olivia 3

Olivia POV  
I had been on Maternity for a month now and I was going a little stir crazy with being home. Tali was going to start at the NYPD day care in a week, but I needed out. I thought that a visit to the precinct was inorder. I walked in and took a look around. I saw a male cop sitting at Elliotts desk and a female sitting at Cassidys desk when he was here years ago. "Why are you sitting at Elliotts desk?" I demanded the young cop when I placed Tali's carrier on my desk and started to undo her.  
"This is my desk. Nick Amaro. Detective Grade B. Transfer from Narcotics"  
"I don't care where your from and that is not your desk." I snapped. Fin walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder and turning me away from the detective.  
"Hey Livvy" he said calmly. "Why don't you let Munch look after Tali for a second and we can go talk to Cap" he said and I handed her off to Munch with a bottle and stormed to Cragens.  
I openned the door not caring and I knew it was only him and George, "Why is there a guy sitting at Elliotts desk? And where is Elliotts stuff?" I demanded.  
"That is one of the new detectives and Elliotts stuff was cleaned out by Fin and all of it is in your locker" Don said calmly. Probably knowing I was going ot freak out.  
"Why is he there?"  
"I was going to pair the two of you up when you got back next week...but I was thinking that maybe Fin could be your partner for a little while" he said quickly adding on the end when I glared at him. He knew I was still considering a transfer.  
"I can work with Fin, but that guy better be out of that desk by the time I get back next week" I snapped and left the precinct after collecting Tali.


	10. Chapter 10

Cragen POV After she left I relaxed a little. "That went better than I thought" I sighed.  
"She is still mourning Elliott and the other baby." George said.  
"I know I was thinking that that would be a problem when she got back, but I was hoping she would maybe be open to working with him."  
"No that was not going to happen, but pairing her with Fin was a good idea." "I just don't want her leaving because of Elliott being gone"  
"She has taken a huge hit this year, but she will be better after a little more of the mourning process is done. She is going into the stage of anger, so be prepared for some blow ups."  
"I know. Ed Tucker wants her to go on leave, but that won't happen and he knows that she isn't totally ok, he said anything that happens will be handled by him and he won't be hard on her."  
"Good. I can't imagine what next week will be like. Don't treat her like a peice of china let her work through things."  
"Ok I will" I sighed and then went to tell Nick to switch desks with Fin.  
"Why do I have to switch desks?" he demanded.  
"Detective Benson lost her fiance and this was his desk and she has consented to work with Detective Tutuolla. So I am telling you to swap desks."  
"Why can't we just move them?"  
"You see the dent in the bottom drawer?"  
"Yes" "Elliott kicked that drawer. Bensons desk has the same dent from her kicking it. She will know that you moved it. That was from a case that changed everything for the two of them. Now Detective I would appreciate if you started to move desks"  
"Fine" he sighed. The aforementioned case was a good one... even if it threw their partnership off kilter.  
*FLASHBACK*  
"He didn't kill me! You can't keep doing this Elliott!" she was screaming, and he was screaming. Even in the cribs we could still hear them down here in the squadroom.  
"If you can't trust your partner! Then I guess you need to get a new one!" We heard a door slam after that and then Olivia stormed through the room to grab her stuff. She left that day and disappeared. *END FLASHBACK*  
Elliott was angry and pissed off, I went through a few different people until I found Dani who could work with him. Olivia came back though she wasn't in the unit for awhile. I found out what went down between her and Elliott when she came back that caused a bit of friction when they were starting back up together. *FLASHBACK*  
Olivia came over late one night, drunk, but lucid enough that I wasn't too worried about her. I still let her into my house and led her into the livingroom. She had tear track down her face, but I had a feeling I knew why. "Here Liv" I said quietly handing her a cup of tea. "What's up?" I asked.  
"When I came back I knew things wouldn't be the same as before, our partnership could never be the same. I came back and went to the bar like you said. That's where he would be and he was there, but he was with Dani." I knew she loved him, he had just gotten a divorce too.  
"What do you mean Liv?"  
"I found him kissing her and just turned and left. I couldn't face him, the first time I saw him was during that case where I found the girls invitation online. He wasn't to happy to find me in TARU, and he came over to my place that night. We started to yell, then he left. I didn't see him until today. This case, I wanted to work it so bad, but I can't right now. You see I know that Dani can't leave yet, but I miss the cases. I joined the Academy to get to SVU. I found a piece of evidence and brought it to him while you were out talking to the Morris Commission. He wasn't happy, he came over a few hours ago. Told me that he hates me." she finsihed in a near whisper. Then she was up and moving.  
"Liv you know that that isn't true."  
"Then why did he say it!"  
"Because he loves you and doesn't know what is going to happen now."  
*END FLASHBACK* She had tried to run out of the house, but I grabbed her and told her to wait until the next day to talk to him. Sober up a little bit.  
They were together a week later. 


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia POV I was able to go back to work today, finally after months of bed rest and maternity I could go back to work. I stepped into the precinct and dropped Talia off at the NYPD day care that also watched children at night for the cops that got called in. Then I headed up stairs, when I got off the elevator I looked around at the squadroom and sighed. I would never get over not seeing Elliotts face across from me everyday.  
*FLASHBACK*  
I was finally a detective and had just walked into the SVU squadroom for my first day. I went to check in with Captain Cragen, so he could tell me who my partner was. He was busy at the moment so I went to talk to some of the detectives around me. One was a total player, his name was Cassidy. Then the sergent of the squad Munch was a conspiritist. Finally a blue eyed, man with plenty of muscle. Elliott. I fell in love with him at first sight and was hoping to god I was not his partner. Luck wasn't on my side though. "Hello Detective Benson" the Captain said walking up behind me.  
"Hello sir" I answered. I was fresh out of the academy pretty much and knew that it would take me a while before I would call him by his name and not his title.  
"Your partner is going to be detective Stabler here. And you two can start by him showing you around, and learning the ropes." I was distracted all day. *END FLASHBACK*  
For years I couldn't get over how hot he was and when we got together it just got worse. "Hey liv" Fin said walking up to me.  
"Hey Fin" I said back my voice catching.  
"I know its hard, but you can do this your strong" he whispered and then he handed me a case file.  
"Thanks Fin" I whispered and read through it. "Why do I have an easy case?"  
"Captain handed me it this morning."  
"Give it to the newbies I didn't come back for simple cases" I snapped.  
"Ok I will go talk to him" he said and went off to talk to Cragen. I sat back in my chair and grabbed the picture of me and El off my desk. I looked at how happy we were, and thought about what we would never have. "Ummm..." I heard someone in front of me and glanced up it was the new detective from last week.  
"Yes"  
"I'm sorry about how I acted last week. I didn't realize"  
"Don't I am just trying to deal with what happened still and was just surprised" I told him quietly.  
"Ok"  
"Your Amaro is it"  
"Yes and the blonde is Rollins"  
"Ok thank you" I stood and turned to the cribs. I found the bunk that Elliott used to sleep on even though it was the most uncomfortable one that you could find in the cribs, but it must have been because I chose the one that was the comfiest and this was closest to me when we had to nap. I sighed and sat down on it and looked around. We had had many arguements here and just thinking about them made me think of the times that we had screamed when we could have loved one another. 


	12. Chapter 12

Fin POV I stepped into Don's office and he looked at me. "What's up?" he questioned probably thinking that Olivia had had a break down or something. "She is refusing this case" I said sitting in one of the chairs.  
"Why?"  
"She said she isn't coming back to work the easy cases and to giving to to the newbies" he sighed.  
"Thought that that was going to happen" "Then why give us the case?"  
"Was hoping that she would take the case" he sounded optimistic.  
"Well what can we do?"  
"Go give it to Nick and Amanda see if they can run together for a bit. And I can see if Munch has that Dunkin case still"  
"Alright" I said and went out into the squadroom. "Rollins, Amaro you got a case" I said and handed them the file.  
"This is your case" Nick snapped.  
"No it's yours" Don said coming to stand next to me.  
"What the hell?"  
"Watch what you say detective" "Well why aren't they working it?" "Because Fin and Olivia have been here for over a decade"  
"That doesn't mean anything we have been working heavy cases for awhile now!"  
"Well I am giving you that. And unless you want desk duty I suggest you get to work!" Don was not happy the last time I had heard him yell like this was when Benson and Stabler did a bad call and followed a lead without letting him know.  
"This is because of princess Benson. I get it she lost her boy toy and that she is still grieving, but that doesn't mean that we are second best! You give her everything! She isn't top dog anymore!" Nick screamed and the squadroom got quiet. I glanced over to her desk and found that she wasn't there. I glanced over toward where the entrance to the cribs was. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs one second then she was taking off up the stairs to the roof next.  
"Shit" I said and ran after her. 


	13. Chapter 13

Cragen POV I was ready to rip this new detective to shreds, but as I saw Fin take off I knew Olivia had heard. "Amaro you can comsider yourself benched until this matter is settled. Munch you catch this case with Rollins and put the Dunkin case on Fins desk" I said before turning to my office and calling George.  
"Whats up Don it's only been a half hour?"  
"Amaro flipped and said somethings about Olivia and Elliott she heard and took off up to the roof. Fin is there with her, but I need an extra hand for the day" I sighed this was going to be a real big issue to come.  
"I should be there in about an hour be sure to get her off the roof and keep her away from Amaro things are still a bit rocky."  
"Got it I am going to help him and hope to God Amaro is quiet if he knows whats good for him." "See you soon Don" he said and the line went dead. I sighed, stood back up and made my way up to the roof. 


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia POV I was tired and couldn't beleive that he had said all that about me and Elliott didn't they teach rank in the Academy anymore. I was pacing back and forth across the roof and turned when I heard the door open. Once I saw that it was Fin I kept pacing. "He made a bad choice" he said and I just kept pacing because I was pissed. "How can he say that about him!" I burst.  
"Because he doesn't understand what has happened I mean you didn't tell to many people about the other baby" he said and I turned.  
"Don't you dare talk about her!" I yelled.  
"Ok Ok sorry Liv" he said and I continued to pace.  
The door opened again and I looked over at it again and found Don. "Olivia why don't we go back down to the squadroom and sit in my office for a few?"  
"I don't want to see him. He needs to leave" I snapped stopping infront of him.  
"I can't do that I have nowhere for him to go and its a volunteer unit you know that"  
"He doesn't get it!" I yelled and turned around to sit on the edge of the roof.  
"Ok Liv we can talk about this when you get off of the edge of the roof" I stood back up and turned toward the door. I went down the stair and toward the squadroom. I heard them following behind me, but didn't care. I stopped at Nicks desk and when he looked up I punched him in the face.  
"Liv!" Fin yelled pulling me away from him. Letting Munch get inbetween us along with Rollins. "Alright Liv. You got him, now lets go into Dons office and you can relax" Fin said and I nodded. I took a deep breath relaxed and we went into Dons office. Don shut the door and I sat in one of the chairs. 


End file.
